How can I help you to say goodbye.

What happened last night was completely unreasonable.  

I happened to flip through some pictures a school friend posted of his little sister's wedding.  She was stunning.  It made me get a little choked up.  

Last night I awoke around midnight and just bawled.  I wanted so badly to say something that didn't sound creepy to both of them but couldn't figure out what could be said with class about the situation.   I never knew my friend or his family that closely so I really think it would be out of place and akward to say what I want to say.  

I first sat near him in my English classes because of the alphabetical seating arrangement.  His family attended my church and I can say I knew of them but I never really got to be close friends with him so I didn't know them well.  As we were in college and involved in a couple of projects together I learned that his mother was battling cancer for the second time and that it was unlikely that she would survive.  I didn't have to know her well to know what an amazing woman she was.  There was something about her that made you want to be in her circle.  She had class, beauty, grace - a dashing husband and picture perfect children.  It was not a fascade as you might suspect.  You just knew that she had true joy in her life.  She made the world a better place just for being in it.  

I am not sure exactly when she passed away but eventually I leaned that she had passed.  I know how deeply my friend loved his mother so I really wanted to reach out to him but it really wasn't my place.  He had closer friends and family who were giving him all the support they had and there wasn't room for what I could give.  I gave my condolences and let him know if he needed to talk that I was available.

I am not sure why it hit me so profoundly that I cried for almost an hour last night but I kept thinking about those pictures and the one thing that was missing, the same thing missing from my friends wedding pictures and the same thing that will be missing from my friend's son's life.  Their mother who should have been able to be there for all of this.  Through all of the healing they have experienced together I am sure they have all come to a place where they accept that this is the way things are but I grieved last night for their loss.  I can't imagine how they felt that day but I really wish their mom would have been able to see her baby girl get married. 

I don't get emotional like this.  I am not in such a physical state where inexplicable emotions are expected.  But if there is a reason I was called on to grieve last night then I gladly accept.  I don't think it would be anything less than akward to tell them what happened but I needed to get it out.