Be Honest, I can take it.

I learned something about myself this week.

I hate being lied to.

It is the ultimate insult if you think about it. They don't care about destroying the relationship. This is a natural consequence of lies. Worst case scenario they never see you again, in calculating that cost, they determined you were expendable in their life. You are not valuable enough to tell the truth to.

In making up the lie, they rarely say it outloud and listen to their own voice. Usually, lies are made up on the spot and are never very good. But they don't respect you enough to give you a believable one. Essentially establishing that they don't believe you are smart enough to figure out their lie.

I felt there was someone in my life who didn't respect me. That person's behavior reinforced it continuously. A matter came up that I became aware of and it was that person's responsibility to tell me my resources had changed. Only, the didn't tell me. I let it go until it came time to need the resource and I asked about it.

This is the second time in the last week this person has told me what a coincidence it was that I ask about that very thing as they were just working that issue. The person proceeded to over detail the response with unneccessary information. Information I knew to be a bold faced lie.

I felt the adrenaline rise in that moment. I needed to say, "your pants are on fire and here is the ash to prove it."

Only, I can't say anything. It was something they didn't have to lie about, a simple one sentence answer would have communicated the only part I needed. this person has control over an aspect of my life. I am not afraid to stand behind my truth telling. The thing that concerns me most is I am not sure what else this person will lie about to save their skin and whose cost is it going to be at? For me the consequences are not that great. For others who are under this person it could prove detrimental to their career.

But the thing I hate the most about when someone lies to me is what it does to me. I get that people lie to protect themselves. In this case I am pretty sure that is the cause of the choice. I know that many liars will insist on their lie even in the face irrefutable evidence. But what it makes me do, and this process I saw like it was onstage in front of me, I lose all of the rationality that gets me through the day and I focus on destroying the lie. I look at the holes, I look at the angles until I figure it out and I destroy it.

I don't like that my heart does that. Because destroying the lie sometimes destroys the person who told it. I hate that it makes me so mad. I hate that it takes control of my life like that. So, today I am choosing to grow. I said it to someone I care very deeply for this week. It is not what lying to me says about how they feel about me that matters, it is how I react to it that determines who I am. And who I am is entirely in my control.

I choose to be a person who sees that this person's lie is likely more about their insecurity than it has anything to do with me. I know they lied, they know they lied but of the two of us I don't have to carry that lie with me. So I am choosing to lay it down.

What does it mean to lay down a lie?

It means I realize that the consequence of that lie will catch them. It will compound with other lies and will eventually crush them. I take no delight in that. Someone tried to crush me once for a perceived wrong and it feels very desperate. I don't want anyone else to endure that. It is not my job to punish that person.

I just need to do everything I can to be truthful.

Nothing is going my way

She says, "Momma, I'm scared." Yesterday, she was just about out of her mind with boredom when one of our neighbors came for a visit. They had been playing upstairs. Another kid came over for a while. He left. We feed the first kid. About 6 bites into dinner, the second kid comes back and lures the first kid out the door with candy. Xyla is upset. So we talk about the dynamics. I tell her it wasn't right for the second kid to take the first kid away. There are just too many factors to navigate here. But I let my daughter get a feel for validation. Today, she writes me a note. The note says the same thing she has been saying since our talk yesterday. She doesn't like it when friend 2 takes her other friends away. So I tell her that right now she has a choice. She may continue to feel that way or she may choose to forgive friend 2. I tell her that if she makes the other friends choose her or each other she should be prepared to lose two friends. If she chooses to forgive, I will go with her to talk to friend 2 about what is happening. She decides to forgive but she is scared of the confrontation. I told her everyone is. But practicing this skill will help her be good at resolving differences. Not only that but she will learn how to stand up for herself, which is very important. Tonight, she starts thinking about all the points she wants to make. Tomorrow, we go talk to friend 2 and his mom. Pray that God gives us restorative words to help bring friends back together.