A year ago, I thought school was going to be rough on Xyla. Despite everything I tried to do, she just flat out refused to learn to read from me. I used to tell everyone that if I was a teacher I would not be able to teach K-6 because there is so much foundational work that has to be done at that age and I don't know how to help them make those vital connections. I can't fathom letting one kid get out of my class having missed learning probably the most important skill in existence.
I told Xyla her whole world would change for the better once she learned how to read. She kept telling me she didn't want to know how to read.
At the beginning of last year I had the most frustrating experience. Xyla would bring her homework home and we would spend three hours trying to accomplish one page. At the end of kindergarten she was reading the Sam books just fine. Then suddenly she decided that she didn't know how to read at all. I had to try to get to the bottom of it. I went to her teacher first and asked why she was on such a low reading level. And her teacher told me things that I will never forget. 1) She has had problems in the past with students who come from the private kindergarten Xyla went to. 2) Xyla performed very poorly on the reading assessment at the beginning of class. 3) Xyla didn't know her letter sounds.
There was one very important thing her teacher didn't tell me, but we will get to that.
I just about came out of my chair but realized that aggression would get me nowhere. I calmed myself and I tried to explain to her teacher that she did know all of her letter sounds and had known them since she was 3. I appealed to her to test her again. She refused. She said she would test her again at the end of the quarter. I went to her because I have a lot of teachers in my life who would have counseled me to not blind side her with the problem by going over her head.
She had placed Xyla with a remedial reading group along with the other kids in her class that went to her private kindergarten. I then understood why Xyla was suffering in her reading. Someone told her she couldn't. And she believed them. This is something I cannot relate to. Usually when people tell me I can't do something, I do it anyway - and look good doing it, too.
I can break this down a little. Xyla doesn't talk to people she doesn't know. So the second disclosure was something I could understand and tried to explain to the teacher about her personality and why it would have been difficult for anyone to get her to "perform" well, when everything was so new and uncomfortable. I wonder how many kids get placed in an underperforming group for the same reason.
The first disclosure was a classic case of stereotyping and that just makes me angry. Even in Xyla's kindergarten class there were all levels of readers. There was a girl reading at a 3rd grade level in there. This woman would have pinched her off in the slower group too, just because. Angry, angry, I tell you.
The third disclosure was just patently untrue. I told her teacher Xyla not only knew her letter sounds but could actually read pretty well. She said that she didn't know how Xyla was doing it reading at home, that I probably read her the same stories and Xyla memorized them and repeated them back. Which would have been a pretty phenomenal thing in itself since I never read the same book twice.
I know that this sort of thing happens because it was how my grandfather made it through something like 6th grade not knowing how to read at all. They had the benefit of a one room school house with multiple grades in the same room. He could hear the older kids and regurgitate what they read almost verbatim.
At home, Xyla read books I had never read to her before she was reading them for the first time. So I was not going to let that stand. I asked Xyla to go get a book from the shelf. She picked one she had never read. I opened it and told her she wouldn't be in trouble if it was difficult but I wanted her to read some of the sentences in the book for me. And she did.
Even though this "trick" floored the teacher, she still insisted that Xyla was correctly placed in the remedial class and that no further testing would be done until the end of the quarter. How much time do students lose because of this kind of thinking?
I told her teacher that her placing Xyla in the remedial section was the worst thing she could do. Xyla already knows that being "brown" (as she calls it) she stands out in her class pretty much no matter what. She is very perceptive. When you seat her next to the trouble maker, she makes trouble because that is what the trouble maker does. When you set her next to the smart kids who hold still and work hard, that is what she does to fit in. I told the teacher that in the remedial class, Xyla will listen to the way the other kids are reading and she will do the same just so she doesn't stand out. Putting her in that class would hobble her more than I could express.
The teacher wouldn't hear any of it. The thing her teacher failed to tell me in the course of this was that she did not conduct the testing herself. One of her teacher's aides conducted it. Which means beyond the teacher/class/school all being new, a random person took her aside and asked her to read, when Xyla had no bearing of how well or poorly her classmates could read.
I took my concerns to the vice principal. She is a breath of fresh air and phenomenal at conflict resolution. I explained what was happening at home, I explained my visit with the teacher, I laid out the non-resolution that was suggested. She asked me what I wanted the outcome to be. I told her I had asked Xyla if she liked her teacher and she did. She liked her class.
I told her ultimately I want the best thing for my daughter, I told her I wanted her retested by someone who could make friends with her before they give the test. I told her I am willing to do what it takes from asking to switch classrooms to switching schools if this couldn't be resolved. I know it sounds like I am "that mom". You know the one who thinks nothing is wrong with their kid kicking the back of your seat in a theatre. The one who thinks their kid is a genius and can do no wrong when their delusion prevents them seeing what their kid really needs.
I admit I think Xyla is smart, but that is because she understood the concept of being able to affect humor at age 4. Most 4 year olds repeat what they hear, she was generating her own material and it was good stuff.
But I am not deluded. The vice principal ended up spending some time in her classroom and getting to know Xyla. Within a week or so of our meeting, she retested her and found that she was at a higher level. Learning from the teachers that she could, in fact, read, changed everything about how long it took us to do homework. It was taking 20 minutes, which is average for 1st grade homework.
This year we are entering the year with her being able to read words that I have not read to her, she can sound out most unfamiliar words on the fly. I can tell when she is getting tired of reading because she starts guessing (badly) at the words instead of reading them.
Since the new school year starts in just a couple of weeks, we have been talking about it to get her used to the idea. She said she wants to still be in her old class. I explained that all of her friends were also going to be going into 2nd grade and that she needed to learn at the next level and that her teacher would still be there just down the hall and she could visit whenever she wanted.
We went over to the school to look at the class list and we read it together so she could see that there were some kids she knew in there. We started trying to implement the school schedule and routine. We looked at the teacher's website and she wants the kids to read 20 minutes a night so we are trying to get that in there too.
Xyla feels so empowered by knowing how to read, too. She found her way to something by herself the other day by reading signs. When she came out I reminded her that it wasn't that long ago that she told me she didn't ever want to learn to read. I expressed that I didn't help her find her way, that she did that herself by reading. I asked her how that felt. She said it felt pretty good knowing where to go.
She gets down quite often when I read to her saying she is upset that I can read so fast and so well and she isn't as good at it as me. I told her it was all about practicing. I told her I have been reading for a long, long time and have had lots and lots of practice. I told her the more she reads the better she will be at it. It is just a lucky thing for me that reading together before bed is one of the things in her life that makes her feel loved. It makes bedtime run smoothly. When she starts dragging her feet to get to bed, I ask if she wants to have time to read. Suddenly, she runs in warp speed.
While there is the conventional wisdom that the single most important thing parents can do early and often to help their kids learn to read is to read with them, I want to add the equally important thing that you also need to do as they are learning. You need to tell them they can read. You need other adults to tell them they can read. Positive affirmation is so important. It will save you months of fighting over homework. I promise.
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