The cultural value of the birthday party

I guess I have been a parent long enough it just doesn't occur to me what non-parents might not know. I am not going to mention this friend's name because I appreciate her honesty in asking the questions. Today, we are attending a child's birthday party. Here are some of the rules for those who have been invited:
1. They intend to feed you/r kid unless stated otherwise.
     a. Most birthdays are planned around the lunch or dinner hour for that reason. If the party is a 2 pm it is fair to ask if the kids will need to be fed prior to attendance. Likewise if it is a pool party.
     b. If your kid needs special food, either bring your back up or when you rsvp let the host parent know there as special needs. Also, if this is you, rsvp early before they shop for the party.

2. At a location event, the party package is paid for for the kids invited, if you have other kids who weren't invited but are coming anyway, it is courteous to be prepared to pay for the extra kids food and entertainment. Unless ther's a clown.

3. $20 or less is a good round number for gifts. Remember that the kids you invite, you should be prepared to go to that number of birthday parties. It is expected that you will put out an equal amount on their kid's gift as they put into yours. You don't want craptastic but you shouldn't buy a trampoline either. Try to think about the economic impact on their family if you buy something big and they know that if they don't reciprocate they run the risk of seeming cheap. If you buy something big, expect they might be "out of town" the week of your kid's party. The exception here is if you have it like that, your kids friends probably do too. But know there is a culturally acceptable number at that tax bracket too.

4. Always know whether the parents are expected to stay. And this is the question that was asked. "Is this what parents do?" And the answer is yes. If you stay, you get to veg out a little, if you get to leave you have free childcare for 2-4 hours that you will never get elsewhere. If you've gone 7 years
knowing even your bathroom moments can be invaded, it gives you that little break to keep going.

Really though, kids need to have friends outside of school. They need to be able to go to the parties they are invited to. It helps build their social confidence. Someone liked them enough to invite them, going is the reciprocal follow-through. In an ideal world for me, the parties wouldn't include the gifts. Kids don't understand the significance at such a young age and I feel they would get more out of just spending time with other kids.

Next year I might hire some chairs from the message school and hold a parent's time out break shop at the same time as the birthday party. The parents deserve it. You are welcome.