See what happens is . . .

This has to be the toughest part of being a mom/student/employee and many others.  I paid my tuition Friday.  I should have waited.  I should have waited until Tuesday like I was going to.  I also had to pay my rent at the beginning of the month.  I paid that Friday too.  Usually they don't make the deposit until after the 5th.  I know with the holiday that it would be the seventh so I calculated that things would be ok since I get paid on Tuesday?  Sometimes I wish I still had that aspect of working for the state.  If the holiday is on Monday you get paid the Friday before.  Alas I don't work for them anymore.  

I don't like the feeling I have today at all.  I have a horrible pit feeling in my stomach.  I called to check on my balance to see if things would be ok and  . . . . nope.  I took a terrible chance.  I lost.  I am over drawn by $300.  What it means is they deposited my rent check before the holiday weekend.  It makes sense but I sure wish they hadn't.  Since the other was a certified check I don't have to worry about what went to the school.  Monday I have to go to my property manager and pay whatever fine I have to pay and hope I don't get kicked out.  

I have a sick feeling.  I feel wildly out of control of my life.  I hate being here.  I know come Tuesday that everything will be ok but I hate this feeling.  I want to cry today.  I want this to be done.  I want to have things be ok for once in my life.  I want a mate that understands anything I am trying to accomplish.  I want someone to rescue me.  These are the days when realizing that I am entirely alone really stand out.