She truly broke my heart today.

Even on the days when she is hollering at me for no explicable reason. When she fights me in the morning as I am putting on her clothes. When I make her go to daycare, when she doesn't want to. I love this little girl. I learned the other day that there is a phrase I say when I drive that I need to watch myself on. I hear her tell me nearly every day that she likes my hair, that she thinks it is very pretty. To which I am always sure to remind her that I admire her hair as much as she does mine. (If she reads this later in life - I want her to know that is not an exaggeration. I nearly fried my hair off with perms trying to make it be as curly as hers is every day. She can confirm with Ninny.) I love this little girl more than words can say.

We go to Smith's grocery store for three reasons. There is not a crazy - holidazed - walmart attached to it, they have decent prices, and they have these awesome little carts. Of course I was dancing to the 80's music they were playing over the PA (another thing I consider a perk) so naturally - she did the same.

Then when we got home, she kept on dancing - even when there was no music.

She is silly and I love her imagination.

For instance, this is the scene where the mermaid barbie and baby duckie meet for the first time and duckie admires barbie's hair.

These nifty implements were among the plas-tastic stocking stuffery toys you can pick up for $1 or under. She got a package of rings, bracelets, and the tiara that came with matching earings. But this little trio cost me more than the $3 pricetag. I have known for a while that she admires Dora's hair. And that she admires one of her friends at school for her hair (which is cut and combed just like Dora's) and that she has been admiring my hair. When we put these things on her she decided she needed her dress. So we put that on her.

She went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She stared at herself for some time. When I went in to the bathroom she turned around and looked at me with a look in her eye that I had never seen before. She looked at me and said, "now I am a real princess."

I have been avoiding everything Disney princess for exactly this reason. You can't tell your family that. Or, rather, you can tell your family but they send you something with princesses on it anyway. I spend a lot of time telling her she is beautiful. I spend a lot of time making sure she gets to wear the dresses (that I never had an interest in when I was little) and spend the time having tea and playing with her with her toys.

It broke my heart that it took these small shiny pink plastic bobbles to make her feel important, to make her feel pretty, to make her feel loved. So I told her, "this is probably the most important thing I will ever tell you, and I want you to remember it for a very long time. These things do not make you pretty, you make them pretty and you have always been a real princess."

She stroked my cheek. And she just looked at me. I kissed her cheek. She said, "I love you, Queen." I told her, "I love you, Princess."

How do I fight against all things commercial. How do I give my daughter the confidence to know that even with boogers coming out of her nose and dirt from head to toe that she is every bit as beautiful as the little girl she saw in the mirror tonight. That real beauty comes from inside. Just like dancing in the store - she's going to do what I do. So now I am going to do better about showing my inner beauty all the time.