Snow . . . I'm not crazy, but I play it on tv.

As I sit here typing this my baby is tucked safely in my bed with her little footy pjs and a blanket she will only let me place over her mid-section.  She has been sleeping soundly for hours.  I am sure somewhere in this town someone is up right now worried.  Worried about the "winter storm" that is 100% going to happen.  Somewhere in this town a mom is up tonight worried that if it does snow tomorrow she won't be able to pick up eggs at the store.  Somewhere in this town a few managers are regretting their decisions to close their businesses tomorrow but since they already told their employees to stay home they have to take the loss.  In this economy . . . well that's why he is up.  Somewhere in this town tonight there is a small child forming plans to make snowmen with the less than an inch of snow that is forecast, since his school called the station and gave the magic password that gets them on the closures list.  Somewhere someone is decrying the evidence of global warming because the temperature just suddenly dropped about 20 degrees.

It just occured to me today why IT was calling to confirm everyone's extension in their office.  It is so that our state con can cancel work for us using the phone message system.  It's nice to know I'll be getting that message, if there is one.  

Why am I up so late?  Why am I up so late?  Honestly I have been trying to make up for what I don't know about climate change.  I have been trying to make something of the hours of class I will miss this week thanks to overzealousness.  But why am I up so late?  Why?

There is something in the silence tonight.  Something I promised a friend.  Something I will probably never get to do.  I can't really talk about it.  I don't know why I am up.  I am not contemplating the singularness of life nor the pluralities of it.  I am not delving into realms of information I haven't fully committed to.  I am seeking though.   I am not sure what.  I want the answer to be in this silence.  Is it there?  Am I listening hard enough?

Where do I go from here?  Is there a blizzard a head in my life?  A season in my life has changed and I am grateful.  I have felt like I was in the same season for way too long.  What did I learn there?  Am I stealing from my experience?  

Who am I?  I ask myself that question everyday.  I wrote it in the steam on my bathroom mirror so that I wouldn't loose myself again.  "Who do you see here?"  But then did I ever understand who I was to begin with?  Is that why no one can seem to connect with me, because I can't connect with myself.  Who am I?  Am I too much, too little or just right?  I have always known there was something different about me but I have never known what that is.  Others have mentioned it too.  The something different.  No one can describe it.

I need some rest.  Not sleep.  Rest.  Where do I go for that?