Friday, May 28, 2010

Poppy, Darla and Poop

Here are a few pictures from our week.

First roses of the season.  Surprising since the plant was pelted in the storm last week.


This girl is drinking from a cup without spilling.  She still prefers her other cup for now though.


I think she misunderstood.  I said, "would you like to watch tv?"

I am in the kitchen fixing dinner when I hear, "Momma . . . momma . . ."  I come around the corner and again with the climbing the bookshelves.

Saturday, May 22, 2010




Many times, as a single mom, you realize you haven't heard from your child in a while.  Not even a peep.  So you go looking for them.  She wasn't  hiding, per se.  She was coloring on the back of the blinds with a green marker.  Fortunately the green only shows up if it contacts the special paper in the color book that came with it.

Letter to the Editor of the Fairy Tale Times:

Dear Sir, 
I understand that when you build your house out of candy there will be some silliness to be expected.  This is getting out of hand.  Please see the attached picture.  I found her in my pantry.  My oven already full, I had to put her out in the back yard.  If anyone recognizes this child please come get her.  I have all I need for the year.

Sincerely,
The Old Witch In The Woods.


I don't mind her drawing on the sidewalk with chalk.  I just want her to stop eating it.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Name droppin'

How's this for name dropping?

Deputy Secretary of the United Stated Department of Agriculture Merrigan addressing leaders of Native American tribes in Shawnee, OK May 13, 2010.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The Week in Photos

I don't have a lot of words for you this week.  Just some pictures to look at.

These are Portia's kids.


This is why I love my cousins.

Of course I happen to think she has excellent taste in shoes, but then she does her shopping in my closet.

The dog is shedding.  So I broke out the shedding comb and asked Xyla if we should wash the dog.  I am guessing this is an affirmative.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Crossroad.

I am at a very scary junction in life.  It isn't about the decisions I have to make that makes it scary.  It is the fact that once again I am standing here alone.  I have told many of my friends that their hearts wouldn't long for a partner in life if it weren't meant for them.  I don't know if I believe that any more.  Every man I meet sees me in this way that they can't describe but then cannot be the man I need them to be.  One of them actually told me that.  At least he was honest with himself and with me.

I know that the man I am looking for exists.  I have met him many times.  He is many friends of mine.  He is always interested in some one else.  He always marries someone else.  He always just wants to be my friend.  

The problem seems to be that I need a man in a way different from the way other women need a man.  I can take care of myself, not because I am passionate about independence but because I have had to be.  I don't know any other way.  At least four times in the last few months I have really needed someone to be there for me.  Each time I reached out, the person I reached out to didn't hear what I was saying and added his own fuel to the fire.  I did what I always do.  I shut down, realized this person is not the help I am looking for and I moved through it as quickly as possible.

I have worried for a long time that I have very little feelings.  I have thought that is why I have been able to withstand working in television news with all of the things we see that are hard for the average person to deal with.  It's why I don't cry very often.  Tonight I want to cry out of exhuastion.  I am not exhuasted with my responsibilities, I am exhuasted with the weight of loneliness.  I have been carrying this burden for a long time.  I don't want to make a mistake and choose the wrong person, but there are days when it seems like at least the wrong person would be someone.

I spent four years with a wrong someone.  I know how much worse the loneliness feels when the wrong someone who is supposed to be there just isn't.  I wore myself out trying to be the best me I could be, in the end it wasn't enough.  I wasn't the right person for him either.  So tonight I am praying that the right person who can see the way I need him and fill that need will come into my life soon.  I am tired and I need rest from the loneliness.  But I have to continue on this path, even if I have to go alone because the blessing of the right person will wash away all the years of burden.  So let me pick up this old pack again.  Let me start walking, let me keep praising God for his goodness.  Let me keep trusting that he is leading me toward the blessings he has for me.  Let me be strong.  It's who I am.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

What I learned at school today.

The following pictures are a part of a project that I ran across on the New York Times website called a moment in time.  The idea was for as many photographers as possible to take a picture all at the same time, which was 10:00 a.m., CST.  I only really half planned the photos because I know so much of what makes a picture good is the unplanned moments.  I knew Xyla might like to go near the duck pond, what follows is worth a thousand words . . . 

We drove down to the University.

We visited one of the place of beauty on campus . . . the duck pond.

We took in some of the wild life and discovered that playing "Duck, Duck, Goose" with real ducks and geese is very different from the way we play at daycare.

We put sticks in the water and found out they float.  Mommy said not to get to close but . . . I fell in and found out that I only sort of float.

This is the picture we took at exactly 10:00 for our moment in time.

My clothes are drying.

And I am still a happy baby.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

While we take a short break to study for finals . . . Take a look at this throw back post.

Why do I keep doing this . . . it's like banging my head on the wall.
I really do have the most patient little baby in the world. As impatient as I am .. . that is nothing short of a miracle. But for the first time in my life I wished my baby was a screamer. 
Yesterday I took the day off work to comfort may tiny, tiny and get her to the doctor's office. Turns out you shouldn't lay your baby on her back to give her a bottle because it can cause ear infections - not because the milk gets in their ear externally but . . . well just know that it happens and now Xyla has an ear infection. That wasn't so hard to deal with. She is 10 months old and this is only the second time she has been sick enough to take her in and it is something that is totally preventable in the future. That I can deal with.
So what is this post about? Wal Mart. I truly believe that store is evil. Last Saturday I spent the better part of 4 hours going from store to store trying to find size 4 white cloud diapers. I don't even know why I bothered with the store by my house. They haven't had them for 2 months. I could understand if it was a "oh we just had a run on them and there will be some in tomorrow." Tomorrow never comes. At least the diapers don't any way. Between pack the baby in the car, extract the baby from the car, pack the baby into the store, search the entire baby section just in case the boxes are stored some where they shouldn't be, pack the baby back out to the car, strap her in her seat, drive to the next store, spend 45 minutes looking for a parking space - (why are there that many people at wal mart - stupid economy) pack the baby in from the farthest reaches of the parking lot, hike over to the baby section, scour it for diapers - no such luck, take baby back outside spend 15 minutes trying to remember where I parked the car, tuck baby into car seat, drive to the next closest store - lather, rinse, repeat-walk out empty handed . . . again. I gave up at that point. Either they are trying to discontinue the brand or every baby in the OKC metro is the same age as mine. The buyers for the baby section are seriously short sighted. They think that if they let the white clouds sell out that I will buy pampers. Pampers give her diaper rash. Can't do it. Diaper rash is painful even to look at. 
So after all of that, why - you might ask- would I subject myself to that insanity again? $4 prescriptions. The last time I bought her antibiotics I paid $65 because it isn't the brand my insurance company recommends. (It is, however, the one my baby's doctor recommends and that should be good enough.) So I decided to try to get it at Wal Mart in hopes that it was generic enough to be on the $4 list. I understand that a lot of people hope the same thing when they bring their scripts to wally world but I was also upset when she told me it was going to take 2 hours to fill the prescription. Interesting marketing ploy, they longer they stay in the store the more crap they don't need that they will buy. It backfired on them. Initially I did go pick out some items we really didn't need. A couple of movies, a toy for the baby, razors (just don't ask me to raise my hand is all I am saying) and so on. All together about $70 worth of stuff in the basket. They had told me that at 1:00 they would be able to tell me how much it was. I show up at the window at 1:00 they say well we don't know yet how much it's going to be. Then she says she'll look it up on the list . . . . . . . . . . . not there she says, so she can't tell me how much. Come back at 2:00 and it should be ready. Here is where a particularly grumpy baby could have helped me out. If she had screamed for about 15 to 20 minutes they might have tried to get us out the door quicker. Alas, even sick, my baby is a happy one. She kept flirting with the old men picking up their arthritis meds. The guy that dropped off his script before me was upset and understandably so. The lady was giving him grief. He very obviously had back problems that his doctor saw fit to prescribe meds for and the lady behind the counter, after he left, looks at her co worker says, "He was being just a little too insistent." I am sure that if my back hurt like that and someone told me it was going to be two hours before I could even think about the pills that wouldn't really start relieving the pain for another 30 minutes after that, I'd be insistent too. I mean I had a happy baby and was already considering the extra $61 would have been worth it to get my baby home and start getting to business of getting her well, now imagine if she was miserable. I feel sorry for other moms who get difficult babies. I really do. 
I came back at 2:00. I tell her my baby's name and birthdate she looks it up and says, "it's not ready yet, it's still another 10 minutes". First, don't act like I am being impatient. You don't want me to be impatient. I do that in a very ugly way. So I start off on a lap around the store and start putting back some of the things I thought twice about. 15 minutes later I arrive back at the counter. Some of the things are still in my cart. The things that I didn't necessarily need but could make good use of. This time the guy helps me. I tell him name and birthdate. He looks at the clock and said, "It's not ready it is going to take a little longer". Now I am getting mad but desperately trying not to say something that will get me kicked out of Wal Mart forever. I ask how long, he says probably another 20 minutes. I often wonder if people can tell that I could have let loose on them in a way that would make them question their existence but I am holding back for reasons of decency. 
Instead I take another lap around the store and put back every thing I had picked up except the battery for the baby's thermometer, that I had to buy because I needed to be able to take her temperature when I got home and you know how I feel about "getting it at another store". It's one thing to trek when you have nothing else to do but no when the baby is sick. After 20 minutes arrive back at the counter again. Name, rank, serial number. She looks at me like I hadn't just talked to her 30 minutes ago. She says, "Do you still have your insurance card?" I so wanted to tell her how stupid this question was considering the fact that it was blatantly obvious that I hadn't left the store in almost 3 hours. Where was it going to go? (No, I went over to the office supplies department and tried out the paper shredders) If they paid their people better-better people would work there. This is the pharmacy, these are supposed to be the smart ones. 
She says, "something probably got entered wrong". It only takes Walgreens about 5 minutes to get information from my insurance company about my prescriptions. They knew at 1:00 that there was a problem and that they should have asked for my card again at that point but they didn't. Why do these people not talk to each other? They don't fill the prescription until they get the info back from the insurance company. At that point I was more than upset. Did you know it only takes 5 minutes to process the script and get it filled when they are properly motivated? I am telling you, the lack of hassle is worth the extra $61. And it turns out that particular item was on the $4 list. This was not a saving grace.